I enjoyed the season 3 premier of Top Chef, especially the elimination challenge. For those who have not seen it, the challenge consisted of a table laid out with several exotic types of meat (or proteins, which seems to be the defacto term to use in hip culinary lingo). Half of these came from land animals and half from sea animals and the idea was to create a surf-and-turf entrée using an item from both categories. Most of these ingredients were all from animals that I had heard of like alligator, kangaroo, sea urchin, and snake. However, there was one that I had never heard of: black chicken.

According to Wikipedia, the Black Chicken, or Silkie, is a variety of chicken that originated in Eastern Asia. Their skin, bones, and flesh are entirely black. I have not seen black chicken on any Twin Cities restaurant menu, or witnessed it at any market - Asian or otherwise. I would be curious to know if anyone has tried it.

NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT…
By Anthony Bourdain

Enjoy!

Bravo will be replacing Billy Joel’s wife Katie Lee with the Indian born Padma Lakshmi as host for the second season of Top Chef. I had never heard of Lakshmi before hearing this news, but according to Wikipedia she has written an award winning Indian cookbook and is married to Salman Rushdie, so I am assuming she can at least carry a conversation and not just take up space on the set like the insipid Lee. Also, she is quite the looker, which I realize is beside the point but the 15-year-old boy in me just wanted to point that out. Oh, and also, as Jessica observed, why are all of Bravo’s female reality show hosts married to really ugly guys way older then them?

Straying from the cullinary world, but while on the subject of Bravo Reality TV, I still can’t believe that Malan was eliminated from Project Runway. I know his dress was a horrific failure, but at least it was an insanely ambitious horrific failure. I was really starting to like him; he was like a cross between Simon Doonan and Austin Powers. I know that they probably wanted to keep that Angela chick around for a while because of her love-to-hate qualities, but she didn’t even do a sketch. Shouldn’t that be an automatic disqualification? Man, I am watching way to much TV.

I’ve thrown a link to The Mastcator up on the blogroll. This is a friend of mine who relocated to Brooklyn within the last year to make his way as a writer in the big city. Although The Masticator would be an awesome title for a food publication, the meaning here is abstact; the masticating of life, art, culture, and whatever else a midwesterner might might find intriguing in the Big Apple. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t some great food/booze related posts like this bit on the health benefits of Kimchi, and Soba Shochu, a Japanese liquor distilled from buckwheat.

I am a fan of Project Runway, and since I care way more about food then I do about fashion, I was excited when I heard that the producers were creating a new cooking show called Top Chef that would follow Runway’s same basic format. For those unfamiliar with either show, the basic formula involves a dozen contestants competing against each other with an elimination challenge at the end of each episode after which the top and bottom three performers are brought out and critiqued by a panel of judges, while the middle of the road folks wait it out in another room. After accolades and dressing downs are handed out to the best and worst respectively, one individual is declared the winner, while one is declared the worst of the worst and sent home. This formula repeats itself each episode until only one contestant is left and declared the winner. Both shows contain a fair amount of the backstabbing bitchery that we have all come to expect from reality TV, but there is enough genuine craft and technique on display to keep your brain cells from wilting in shame.

So I was able to catch the encore presentation of the pilot episode last night before the 2nd episode aired afterwards. The episode began with the usual introductions of the host , judges, and contestants, all of various backgrounds and temperaments. The cooks were thrown directly into a preliminary challenge where they had to see if they could survive working the line in the kitchen of the apparently renown, and very grouchy Head Chef of San Francisco’s Fleur de Lys Restaurant for a full 30 minutes. Only 3 of the 12 were able to hang on without being kicked off the line for reasons ranging from wearing crappy shoes to sticking their finger in the sauce(!) to general nervousness and ineptitude. Afterwards, one of the three survivors, A portly lady by the name of Lee Anne Wong, was declared the winner and given immunity for the elimination challenge coming up later in the episode. This scene was followed by 5 minutes of pointlessness where the sauce fingerer, a belligerent Irish Dude named Ken, started bitching about how he was eliminated unfairly, and it is perfectly natural to stick your fingers in people’s food (!!!). this of course incited gasps of admonishment from the rest of the cast. It is worth mentioning here that Ken was the first to be eliminated, which surprised me since the standard MOA for reality TV shows is to keep the asshole character(s) around as long as possible to maximize the love-to-hate potential. Anyway, for the elimination challenge, each chef had to create their signature dish within a budget of $30, which would then be judged by a panel of their peers in addition to the regular judges. There is footage of the group running around San Francisco buying ingredients before starting the cooking process. The contestants are then broken into two groups, one group tasting and judging the other’s dishes before switching places and doing it again . Other then a few questionable exceptions, the food was pretty cool looking. After much tasting and commenting, the contestants are sent away. The judges deliberate for a few minutes before summoning the top three back to the table where they pick the winner, mild mannered Harold Dieterle from NYC and his Steamed Thai Snapper. The top 3 were then sent back to the kitchen and told to ask the bottom 3 to come to the table where they are denigrated a bit before finding out that gross Ken will be sent home.

After watching the judging it became clear to me that reality shows based on cooking competitions have one fundamental flaw; without being able to taste the food through the TV, you are forced to take the judges word for it. In comparison, the judging portion of Project Runway is my favorite part of the show. Despite not knowing anything about fashion, I like to watch the pretty models come out wearing the designer’s finished garments. I like listening to Michael Kors and Nina Garcia totally hate on my favorite outfit, and how I sometimes agree with their explanation and feel like I just learned something, and how I sometimes think that they are full of shit. The point is that we are on a level playing field. Both the judges and viewing audience are taking in the finished product with our eyes, and forming our own opinions. On Top Chef, some of the dishes totally kicked ass presentation wise, but apparently tasted like shoes. I actually thought crazy-disgusting Ken’s dish looked kind of awesome, and I was left not knowing if he was the first cut because everyone just hated him, or because his dish really was that bad.

Where is Bayless? I love me some Rick Bayless! It was the only mexican cooking show on TV. Sure, the guy seems high all the time, but who can blame him? He has like the prefect life. Going to mexico all the time, learning how to cook some of the most delicious food known to man. Maybe he is a liberal, the the right wing takeover of PBS and the CPB got to him? He does fraternize with foreigners, whom all right thinking people know are nothing more then border crossing mexican illegals… he must hate america!

Also, Mark Bittman deserves mention as another show not gracing my saturday mornings anymore. Dammit, doesn’t PBS realize that the saturday morning block of Bayless, Americas Test Kitchen, Lidia’s Family Table, and Tina Nordstrom and the ever goofy Bittman had more legitimate cooking instruction then an entire week of food network? Think about it. Have you ever seen a Vietnamese chef on Food TV, actually cooking something? Well, Bittman takes one on during one episode, and hilarity ensued.

Not that I am going to sit and rail on the Ray Ray network like everyone else does. Her perky and freakishly Kelly Rippa like persona does well with the format of 30 minute meals. Lotta people have never been taught anything at all, and her show is a great gateway drug to the wide world of cooking. I have to say I draw the line at this broad though.

Anyhow, instead of Bayless, we have Seasonings with Dede Wilson. Looks ok so far, as she has on the ex-head of CIA, Fritz Sonnenschmidt. He is apperently going to cook a goose. Not mexican, but promising. It is interesting to note that Wolfgang puck isn’t the only funny guy on TV that says wegie-tables. I suppose, showing the masses how to truss and roast a goose is hardly Sandra Lee fare. Not unlike watching Sara’s Secrets, with the guest chefs and all. Ok, no Bayless, but not bad. Shrug.

In the Bittman timeslot, we have a frenchie named Jacques Pepin, doing a show called Fast Food My Way. Seems like a good look into french cooking, using molds and rings and such for presentation. Pronounces vegetables funny as well, but not as funny as the germans. Cracks jokes, and makes “fast food” for sure, but with with some pretty good stuff, like a fresh salmon tartare… this can actually be made in about five minutes, and looks great. Man. Great looking chickpea ragout, and some scrumptious looking breaded pork scaloppine with mushroom sauce. Ok… this is a fine television program. Great for new cooks to see how easy it is to do a lot of high falutin french food. Hah! His pièce de résistance? He cut the foil of a wine bottle in such a way to hold the cork in a little ring. Nice.

Still PBS… we are in a FIGHT! BRING BACK BAYLESS!!!! Do NOT make me come over there. If you even think of touching American Test Kitchen, you WILL be destroyed.

That is all.

-shogunmoon

The Cylons look like us now.

Here is a quick little bit of a tip:

Go to Pho Tao Bay on Nicollet and 29th and get a table. Order the Beef Jerky Papaya salad. Also, consider a Bun noodle salad with some grilled pork and shrimp. It is number 37, in case you don’t feel like opening up the menu. They have plenty of options besides this, including some fantastic weekend specials, so explore if you are feeling adventurous. Definitely worth exploring the menu. Order a nice bubble tea, or whatever beverage you like. Then wait.

Within 5 minutes, you will have sitting in front of you one of the tastiest salads this side of of the Mekong Delta. Imagine, if you will, a pile of shredded unripe papaya bathed in a delicious variation on the ever present nuoc cham, topped with bright red strips of cured beef and crumbled peanuts. What you are imagining may well be heaven. Sink your teeth in to this perfectly balanced congregation of flavors, and decide for yourself if this is heaven, or perhaps the closest thing we have to heaven, here on this mortal coil.

Shortly thereafter, they will bring you the number 37 if you asked for it. Very simple noodle salad with tons of fresh herbs and more nuoc cham. Pork, sliced razor thin and gently charred, is laying on top of the bed of noodles right next to a skewer of sublime grilled shrimp. This combination is absolutely fresh, luscious, and worth traveling great distances to acquire.

If you go once, you will want to eat it everyday. Consider yourself warned.

-shogunmoon

Citypages - Best of 2004

Pho Tau Bay

2837 Nicollet Ave.

Minneapolis

612.874.6030

My brother really likes boats, and really really likes the zipping around Lake Minnetonka in his 26′ Four Winns cruiser. One of the fun things you can do at this bastion of outrageous wealth and decadence is stop by an establishment called Lord Fletchers Wharf. Lord Fletchers has boat docking, and some nice beer on tap, including Boulavard Wheat Beer. Not at all a terrible place to get a beer. If you know what is good for you, however, you will stay the hell away from the bar menu.

You want to know the best place to get ripped off in the twin cities metro area? Look no further then the Bar at Lord Fletchers Wharf. Not that that higher prices should be a surprise to anyone. Lots of ultra wealthy people cruising around on expensive boats and all that. Unfortunately however, the locals are apparently too soused to be able to identify horrible bar food when they taste it. In an era when even the CC Club sports an actual printed menu and quasi edible food, you would thing an august location on Lake Minnetonka would at least pretend to have a competent burger. Seriously, they are not all that tough.

Sure, they do offer fine dining upstairs, but after giving the bar a few chances, why would anyone even bother with it? I kid you not, I have had better food at Subway. I am fairly certain the bar chow comes out of the same kitchen as the fine dining menu… I wonder if they have a special low rent ground beef that they use especially for the Wharf? I wonder who exactly they are trying to please with the soggy and bland nachos they slop out? Maybe they soak the chips in water, so that people without teeth can enjoy them. I also wonder why they bother with guacamole… avocados are somewhat expensive, so maybe skip serving the flavorless guac, and use the money saved to get some decent ground chuck.

I mean really. I do not mind an overpriced cheeseburger, but lets make it decent, ok? You would think that all these wealthy people would know about good food, since they can afford to eat whatever they want. Apparently not.

-shogunmoon

As if you all need another way to waste time at work-

http://starvinwithlouis.com/

-shogunmoon

Hey, for those of you not paying attention, No Reservations has a soundtrack performed by non other then the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion.